Yale Guen Mar, you are still blinded by rage more than a dozen years after Tony Chee Mar and Kim Hi Wong passed away.
You are angry that you got punished by Kim Hi Wong who was doing all she could to keep you in the straight and narrow but to no avail.
It seems you are still sore that Tony Chee Mar cut off your pigtail the moment you landed in San Francisco on the Thanksgiving day of 1949.
You shouldn't bear grudge against Tony Chee Mar for refusing to shave a straight line along your head either.
Tony Chee Mar wanted to be a thoughtful father for an 11-year old boy he was seeing for the first time in his life. Tony had declared himself to be your father so that you could find refuge in USA after the imposition of CCP dictatorship in Beijing.
Yale Guen Mar, your "father" didn't want you to be ridiculed and heckled by your school mates in the new country.
That is why he chopped off your pigtail as soon as you got off the boat in San Francisco. And that is why he shaved off all your hair so that you could grow a normal crew cut and meld with your classmates.
And now you don't want to celebrate the Quinming Festival at his tomb? You don't want to tidy up the place with the rest of your family - Donald, Ellen, Eugene, Brenton, Valentina, Luca and even Silvia?
Well, if you have an allergy to your relatives, why don't you go to the tomb on March 28? That's the day in 2001 that Tony Chee Mar passed away.
Tidy up the tomb. Offer flowers, food and paper money. Burn incenses. Yale guen Mar, ytou'll feel so much better.
Uncle Ben and his wife, and their children are losers, born liar bottom dweller illegal alien dish-washer Satish. My parents were loser, too. All my ancestors were losers. all tied to Manchurian customs, Confucius ways, the coolie ways,... I will be the first to tell everybody that.
Funeral rites for an elderly person follow the prescribed form and convey relevant respect: rites befitting the person's status, age etc. are performed even if this means the family of the deceased must go into debt to pay for them.
Ben Shee Mar and Susan Suye Oy Wong were fortunate to be honored at their burial by their children and grandchildren. They lie buried side by side in Duncanville, Texas.
Nephew Yale Guen Mar was not welcome at the funerals by the Mar clan, and for understandable reasons.
But then Yale Guen Mar wasn't welcome at the funerals of his parents Tony Chee Mar and Kim Hi Wong either. No one wanted him at the funerals.
At Qingming Festival every year, Homer Yale Mar and his siblings pay respect to their parents Ben Shee Mar and Susan Suey Oy Wong, and all relatives and ancestors who have passed away. They spend time tidying up the graves and tombstones of Ben Shee Mar and Susan Suey Oy Wong. They offer food, flowers and paper money to their ancestors.
In stark contrast, Yale Guen Mar spends time sulking about times when he got thrashed by his father Tony Chee Mar and mother Kim Hi Wong for misbehavior.
Tony Chee Mar and Ben Shee Mar were twins.
Tony Chee Mar married Kim Hi Wong. They had lasting regrets about son Yale Guen Mar who gave them only grief.
Tony Chee Mar (1915-1999) was born in 1915, to Hall T. Mar(Chan) and Choi Kang Ma.
Tony married Kim Hi Wong. They had 5 children: Eugene Yale Mar, Yale Guen Mar, Donald Yale Mar and 2 other children.
Tony passed away in 1999, at age 84 in Arizona.
Yale Guen Mar was not allowed at the funeral because no one wanted him there.
To put Yale Guen Mar's villainy in perspective, no one in the Mar clan wanted Yale Guen Mar to attend the funerals of Yale Guen Mar's Uncle (his father's twin brother) Ben Shee Mar some 30 years ago. The pattern was repeated at the funeral of Yale Guen Mar's aunt Susan Suey Oy Wong about half-a-dozen years ago. No one in the Mar clan could stand the thought of Yale Guen Mar being at the funeral. So, cousin Homer Yale Mar Mar very plainly told Yale Guen Mar that he was not welcome.
Yale Guen Ma was a bad son right from his birth !!
A bad mother is a rarity. A bad son a far more common occurrence. Yale Guen Mar is of course trying to shift the blame on his mother. But it is obvious that it is Yale Guen Mar who was always at fault.
Yale Guen Mar never supported his parents Tony Chee Mar and Kim Hi Wong financially or otherwise.. It was the parents who indulged Yale Guen Mar when they allowed him to retain his room in their house long after he was no longer a minor.
Yale Guen Mar lost his room only when his 3 siblings put an end to the indulgence. They got rid of everything that Yale Guen Mar had stored in t hat room, including his collection of his semen-stained photos of his favorite pigs.
No one in the Mar family (including the 3 siblings) wants to remember Yale Guen Mar, and understandably so. Yale Guen Mar was specifically told by family members that he was not welcome at the funeral of his own parents, let alone at the funerals of cousin Yue Chung Mar's parents.
Yale Guen Mar is hated by everyone in the Mar clan and rightly so.
Yale Guen Mar, don't forget to honor your "dad" Tony Chee Mar on November 5. He would have been 102 - he was born on November 5, 1915.
All of Tony Chee Mar's other descendants will remember him as usual on the anniversary.
Eugene, Ellen and Donald are throwing a joint party in Tucson, AZ for ghosts of Kim Hi Wong Tand ony Chee Mar as they do every year.
Brenton, Luca and Valentina are doing the same in Boston.
The family in Boston will be joined by May Fung from Quincy and Dr. Roberto Buonamici from Tuscany.
Yale Guen Mar, do something nice for the ghosts who would like nothing better than to drink your wine, eat your food and smell your incense.
Yalke Guen Mar, if you fail in your filial duties, then ... well ... , you'll reap as you sow.
On November 5 every year, Homer Yale Mar and his siblings Virginia, Lawrence and Clarence pay respect to their parents Ben Shee Mar and Susan Suey Oy Wong, and all relatives and ancestors who have passed away. They spend time tidying up the graves and tombstones of Ben Shee Mar and Susan Suey Oy Wong. They offer food, flowers and paper money to their ancestors.
Eugene, Donald and Ellen do the same in Tucson, AZ every November 5 for their parents Tony Chee Mar and Kim Hi Wong.
Yale Guen Mar, you have never visited the graves of your parents Tony Chee Mar and Kim Hi Wong. Isn't it time you do? What better time to start doing so than on November 5 when Tony Chee Mar would have been 102 - he was born on November 5, 1915.
Let this be a new start for you. Visit the graves at Quingming Festival, Hungry Ghost Festival and the Double Nine Festival. Tend the graves, clean the tomb stones. Offer Mai Tai and the choicest Taishanese cuisine that was your parents' favorite.
Yale Guen Mar, if you play your cards right, Dr. Eugene Yale Mar might yet accept you as friend on Facebook.