My ancestors were migrant workers for 4 generations. Whatever illegality there was, it was all erased by the 1906 earthquake in San Francisco when the immigration building was destroyed and all documentation were lost. INS requested all to re-register and re-establish their records. So they all got a new start in life.
As for my father, no one in their right mind would want him for a father. Nor my uncle, Ben. Ben was worse than my father. Their whole family was the pit at the lowest level.
You are a despicable ingrate. Tony Chee Mar wasn't your biological father. Tony Chee Mar never saw you till you sailed into San Francisco from Hong Kong in 1949 as a 11 year old boy escaping the communist takeover in China. He became your father by choice when he took pity on you and signed papers declaring you to be his son.
And by all accounts he was a great father.
Recall what he told you when you arrived in San Francisco. Tony Chee Mar told you, "Yale, you are a turkey".
Tony Chee Mar then added, "This is Thanksgiving. We are going to have turkey."
Wonder-struck, you had said, "Dad, what is Thanksgiving, what is turkey?" He proved himself over the years to be a dutiful and loving father to you, Yale Guen Mar even though he wasn't your biological father.
* Tony Chee Mar took you into his home in Phoenix
* He taught you English and math.
* He taught you the difference between rational and irrational numbers
* He let you have a room at his 914 10th Street house long past your teens
* Your first job was at his cafe
Yale Guen Mar, your residency in USA is all because of Tony Chee Mar's declaration that you were his son even though he had never seen you before you were 11.
Ellen and her mother were on the opposite end of the pole.
With a mother like her, there was no tomorrow. She should never be alive.
I want no part of her.
Hong Kong born Ellen got along just fine with Kim Hi Wong. You were the only sibling who couldn't get along with Ellen's mother.
Yale Guen Mar, always remember what you owe to your Chinese parents.
Yale Guen Mar, never blame your mother, Kim Hi Wong, and your father, Tony Chee Mar, for all your woes. Act like a grown up. For heaven's sake, you are now 80, way past the age to indulge in childish sulking. Act your age. You should make an honest attempt to own up to your deep character flaws before you croak.
Yale Guen Mar, aren't you the black sheep in the family?. KIm Hi Wong always worried about you. That is why she spanked you all the time to keep you in the straight and narrow. No wonder your buttocks were sore all the time when you were growing up.
But Kim Hi Wong's efforts to redeem you never succeeded . She could drag a mule like you to the well, but she couldn't make you drink from the well.
Gene and his wife, Donald and his wife, and my other sister flew in from New York were the only 5 people at her funeral. Luca and Val were not even born.
All the siblings attended the funeral except you, Yale Guen Mar. You were just too busy sulking. You even tried to persuade Ellen not to attend the funeral. But 11 years younger as Ellen was, she always had way more sense than you ever did in your 80 years. Ellen refused to go along with you and attended the funeral with her other siblings.
None ever visited the grave site. When John Vinning gave a concert in Tucson and invited me to attend, that was the first time I saw the grave site, there were errors on the headstone. I called Ellen and told her about it, and she said "it still hasn't been corrected???"
That shows how much they care!!!!
Really? Why do you always make up stories like this to give vent to your unwarranted grievances against Kim Hi Wong? The other siblings make it a point to be at the grave site at Quingming Festival. They sweep the tomb, clean the tombstone, offer flowers, paper money and the choicest mai tai and they burn incenses. Join them Yale Guen Mar, you'll feel a lot better and die a happier man.
You kept talking about "Quingming Festival." No one in my family ever heard of it. You are more "Chinese" than any of us, Satish!!!!
Speak for your self, Yale Guen Mar (posting under the fake name of Resty Wyse). Don't make generalizations about the family based on what you want them to avoid. Misery loves company. And you want the rest of the family to be as miserable as you are.
In fact, even you cannot be so "un-Chinese" as not to have been familiar with what you are supposed to do at the Quingming Festival.
Ellen, Donald, Eugene and even your other sister celebrate the Quingming festival in a big way.
And so do Brenton, Luca and Valentina.
It is your loss that you don't join them and be happy.
Yale Guen Mar, you are already 80 with one foot on your grave. Try to join your relatives to celebrate the Quingming Festival.
This year it is on April 5.
Take a train from Merced, CA to Tucson, AZ. Be at the grave. It is in East Palm Cemetery (look for Lot 49).
Here's the address and phone number:
East Palm Cemetery
5801 East Grant Road #C
Tucson, AZ 85712
I am pretty sure Donald, Eugene and Ellen will be ther on April 5. Even Brenton, Valentina and Luca might be there to honor Tony Chee Mar and Kim Hi Wong,
They will sweep the grave and clean the tomb stone. They will offer flowers, paper money, choicest mai tai and burn incense.
Yale Guen Mar, there is always a first time. Don't be shy to join them on April 5 at the grave site of Tony Chee Mar and Kim Hi Wong. You won't regret your decision to celebrate the Quingming Festival and die a happier man.