Yale Guen Mar, 914 10th Street in Phoenix should have been like your home. Instead you chose to make it a storage place for your contrabands.
I am very much interested in hearing from Chinese-Americans within the
United States on how their aged parents/grandparents were faring in
their sunset years. It was ironic for me growing up in a small town,
living in California most of my adult life about a thousand miles from
"home". As each of us gets older and educated, we leave "home" only to
come "home" for visit once or twice a year. My sibblings live in
Tucson about 125 miles away leaving my parents alone at "home". To me,
"home" was, is and will always be 914 10th St. and I never take any of
my things from "home" to California.
Then my father got sick and checked into the hospital. My brother in
Tucson returned "home" and talked to the doctor, who said my father may
be in hospital for about a week. Since my mother can not speak English
and alone at home, he decided to transfer my father to Tucson Medical
Center where he works and move my mother to a retirement home in
Tucson. The house was sold. "Home" is no more. All my college year
photos were gone, my short-wave radio, my gun collection, everything in
my bedroom, including the photos of my favorite pigs, were thrown away
or given away without telling me.
My father recovered and moved into the retirement home with my mother,
each taken up a room with a cost of $1,200/month each for a total of
$2,400. With no outside activities and eat and sleep, my father died
in 15 months later. My mother died two years later after my father. I
believe my mother died of loneliness and neglect. I have 3 sibblings
living in Tucson, not one would visit and talk to my mother often
enough to care.
Yale Guen Mar, can't you ever get over the loss of your gun collection, photos of your favorite pigs and your short-wave radio? Donald and Eugene were only trying to protect you from yourself.
Yale Guen Mar, you are being grossly unfair to your brothers Eugene Yale Mar and Donald Yale Mar and your sister Ellen Heath. They were achievers. The only reason they got rid of your gun collection, short-wave radio and the photos of your favorite pigs was to save you from yourself.
Quit holding grudges against Ellen, Donald and Eugene, Get their help to cope with your problems.
Funeral rites for an elderly person follow the prescribed form and convey relevant respect: rites befitting the person's status, age etc. are performed even if this means the family of the deceased must go into debt to pay for them.
Ben Shee Mar and Susan Suye Oy Wong were fortunate to be honored at their burial by their children and grandchildren. They lie buried side by side in Duncanville, Texas.
Nephew Yale Guen Mar was not welcome at the funerals by the Mar clan, and for understandable reasons.
But then Yale Guen Mar wasn't welcome at the funerals of his parents Tony Chee Mar and Kim Hi Wong either. No one wanted him at the funerals.
At Qingming Festival every year, Homer Yale Mar and his siblings pay respect to their parents Ben Shee Mar and Susan Suey Oy Wong, and all relatives and ancestors who have passed away. They spend time tidying up the graves and tombstones of Ben Shee Mar and Susan Suey Oy Wong. They offer food, flowers and paper money to their ancestors.
In stark contrast, Yale Guen Mar spends time sulking about times when he got thrashed by his father Tony Chee Mar and mother Kim Hi Wong for misbehavior.
Tony Chee Mar and Ben Shee Mar were twins.
Tony Chee Mar married Kim Hi Wong. They had lasting regrets about son Yale Guen Mar who gave them only grief.
Tony Chee Mar (1915-1999) was born in 1915, to Hall T. Mar(Chan) and Choi Kang Ma.
Tony married Kim Hi Wong. They had 4 children: Ellen Heath, Eugene Yale Mar, Yale Guen Mar and Donald Yale Mar.
Tony passed away in 1999, at age 84 in Arizona.
Yale Guen Mar was not allowed at the funeral because no one wanted him there.
Yale Guen Mar, you are an ingrate, You bite the hand of parents that feeds
you. Without them feeding you, how can you grow up without them? You eat
rice or pasta, and yet you don't know their price. It shows that you are an
ignorant fool. It shows that you are an ingrate. You have character flaws.
Perhaps you should stop blaming your dead parents, and repent your life,
Just stop blaming your mother, Kim Hi Wong, and your father, Tony Chee Mar,
for all your rants. You are now 77. Own up to your character flaws before
you faked away.
Tony Chee Mar and Kim Hi Wong were good parents. They did everything possible for Yale Guen Mar. Unfortunately, Yale Guen Mar was a very bad son. He continued to wallow in selfishness and utter stupidity.
All my relatives/ancestry before my generation were losers.
So don't ever talk about them to me. I have nothing but
contempt for them. And it includes all the cousins I have.
Yale Guen Mar, you used to lie to your parents, uncle and aunt. And now you lie on the newsgroup. Yale Guen Mar, you are all sleaze with not an iota of any redeeming feature.
Yale Guen Mar was a bad son from day one. He was not welcome at the funerals of his uncle and aunt abd even at the funerals of his own parents.
To put Yale Guen Mar's villainy in perspective, no one in the Mar clan wanted Yale Guen Mar to attend the funerals of Yale Guen Mar's Uncle (his father's twin brother) some 30 years ago. The pattern was repeated at the funeral of Yale Guen Mar's aunt about half-a-dozen years ago. No one in the Mar clan could stand the thought of Yale Guen Mar being at the funeral. So, cousin Homer Yale Mar very plainly told Yale Guen Mar that he was not welcome.
Yale Guen Ma was a bad son right from his birth !!
A bad mother is a rarity. A bad son a far more common occurrence. Yale Guen Mar is of course trying to shift the blame on his mother. But it is obvious that it is Yale Guen Mar who was always at fault.
Yale Guen Mar never supported his parents financially or otherwise.. It was the parents who indulged Yale Guen Mar when they allowed him to retain his room in their house long after he was no longer a minor.
Yale Guen Mar lost his room only when his 3 siblings Ellen, Donald and Eugene put an end to the indulgence. They got rid of everything that Yale Guen Mar had stored in t hat room, including his collection of his semen-stained photos of his favorite pigs.
No one in the Mar family (including the 3 siblings) wants to remember Yale Guen Mar, and understandably so. Yale Guen Mar was specifically told by family members that he was not welcome at the funeral of his own parents, let alone at the funerals of cousin Yue Chung Mar's parents.
Yale Guen Mar is hated by everyone in the Mar clan and rightly so.
Yale Guen Mar, don't forget the Double Nine Festival on October 28. That's the seniors' Day. You have eaned the right to celebrate it by living to be 79.
You can get double the joy at the Double Nine Festival by remembering and honoring your "dad" Tony Chee Mar, your mother Kim Hi Wong and all your other ancestors. Show them respect.
Eat Chongyang cakes and drink chrysanthemum wine.
Best of all, go to Tucson, AZ and visit Lot 49 at East Palm Cemetery. Tend to the tombs of your parents Kim Hi Wong and Tony Chee Mar. Clean the gravesite and the tombstone.
Try to bond with your siblings Ellen, Donald and Eugene by exhibiting filial piety.
Eugene might yet forgive you and accept you as a friend on Facebook.
And then stay back till November 5 when Tony Chee Mar would have been 102.
That would be an ideal time for you to offer Mai Tai and the finest Taishanese cuisine to the ghosts of your parents Kim Hi Wong and Tony Chee Mar and all your other ancestors. Burn incense and paper money.
Yale Guen Mar, this is your opportunity to bond with your siblings Ellen, Donald and Eugene. If you play your cards right, the might finally forgive you and Eugene might accept you as a friend on Facebook.