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American teen-agers and strict-parents are explosive combination. Ellen ran-away from home, and stayed at friend's house. After graduation from college, she worked for Play-Boy Club in Chicago. If anyone hated her parents, it was Ellen. Ellen and I were the only ones who didn't attend our mother's funneral.
But that's not what Ellen says. You were the only one who didn't attend your mother's funeral.
You were still sulking because Kim Hi Wong had punished you as a young boy in the hope that you will abandon your mischievous ways.
Yale Guen Mar, be grateful to Ellen. She was always kind to you in spite of everything.
Ellen was kind to everyone in the family.
She was the only one who cried for you when, as a teenager, you ran away from home in Safford, AZ.
And when the police escorted you back from Chicago, she was so very kind to you and made you promise to never again run away from home.
Ellen was 11 years younger than you but she was always far more mature in her thinking than you.
She earned a college degree and went on to have a stellar career as a sales person in the electronics industry.
When Kim Hi Wong died, you tried to talk Ellen out of going to the funeral.
But Ellen didn't listen to you because she owed too much to her mother.
You were the only one in the family who stayed away from Kim Hi Wong's funeral.
Yale Guen Mar, don't forget the Double Nine Festival on Sunday, October 17, 2018. That's the seniors' Day. You have eaned the right to celebrate it by living to be 80.
You can get double the joy at the Double Nine Festival by remembering and honoring your "dad" Tony Chee Mar, your mother Kim Hi Wong and all your other ancestors. Show them respect.
Eat Chongyang cakes and drink chrysanthemum wine.
Best of all, go to Tucson, AZ and visit Lot 49 at East Palm Cemetery. Tend to the tombs of your parents Kim Hi Wong and Tony Chee Mar. Clean the gravesite and the tombstone.
Try to bond with your siblings Ellen, Donald and Eugene by exhibiting filial piety.
Eugene might yet forgive you and accept you as a friend on Facebook.
And then stay back till November 5 when Tony Chee Mar would have been 102.
That would be an ideal time for you to offer Mai Tai and the finest Taishanese cuisine to the ghosts of your parents Kim Hi Wong and Tony Chee Mar and all your other ancestors. Burn incense and paper money.
Yale Guen Mar, this is your opportunity to bond with your siblings Ellen, Donald and Eugene. If you play your cards right, the might finally forgive you and Eugene might accept you as a friend on Facebook.
Yale Guen Mar, we know you are in the no-fly list of all airlines since that fiasco in 2010 when you were put in the cage inside a train to be shipped back from Kansas to Merced, CA.
But you don't need to board a plance to go to Tucson, AZ. You don't even need a ride from Carlton.
There is a direct rain from Merced, CA to Tucson, AZ. The fare is quite cheap - under $70.
Yale Guen Mar, take a train trip to Tucson, AZ to be in time by 28th October to be at the East Palm Cemetery in Lot 49 where your parents are buried. Celbrate the Double Nine Festival. Visit Tony Chee Mar's tomb. Tidy it up. Offer food, flowers, paper money and burn incense sticks.
Yale Guen Mar, you'll at once feel a lot better.
Wait in Tucson, AZ for one more week and visit Lot 49 on November 5. It was on this day, 102 years ago that Tony Chee Mar was born. You will also get to meet your siblings Donald, Ellen and Eugene. Brenton will be there with Luca and Valentina. Even Silvia will fly dowwn from Boston to honor the family patriarch Tony Chee Mar.
Yale Guen Mar, if you play your cards right, your past transgressions will be forgiven. Eugene might actually accept you as a friend on Facebook.
So, Yale Guen Mar, book yourself a train ticket from Merced, CA to Tucson, AZ. You won't regret your decision.
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Ellen graduated from college whereas you had to buy a fake degree from a diploma mill. And even that didn't work. You ricocheted from one firing to another janitorial job at restaurants. And finally you gave up.
You have subsisted on welfare checks from Uncle Sam and now you supplement the welfare checks with 50 cents per approved post from Uncle Chang.
Ellen and her cousin Gini (uncle Ben's daughter Virginia) have pooled resources to document the Mar clan's history.
Ellen and I didn't even know Gini and never ever saw her. No one in my family ever met Ben's family after 1949, except ny the end of my father's life, he came to our house, and left before I came back.
But you still know all about the fat bellies of your cousins and even of Cynthia.
And you also know that cousin Homer would get out of your parents' home before you came in because he was afraid that you would punch him !!!
Ellen and Gini have been great friends for years. And they are now collaborating to document the history of the Mar clan.
Donald and Eugene appreciate the efforts of Ellen and Gini to honor the ancestors and so do Homer, Clarence and Larry.
Ellen, Donald, and Eugene never met or even know of Ben's family. And our family never knew or ever met Gini, Clarence or Larry.
That's not what Ellen, Donald and Eugene say.
Yale Guen Mar, you cannot wish away your siblings and your cousins just because you are jealous of them.
Near the end of her life, their mother wanted to see me. I said we lived in the same house in China, and she never ever talk to us, there is nothing to talk about today.
Aren't you making a virtue of necessity?
You were not there at the funeral of your parents, aunt and uncle because no one in the Mar clan wanted you there.
Yale Guen Mar, you are the miserable outlier in the family who stays out of celebrations for the ancestors because of your grudges against Kim Hi Wong and Tony Chee Mar.
No one believes in ancestor worshiping in our family. Let the dead be the dead and stop talking or thinking about it.
Yale Guen Mar, you missed yet another opportunity last Sunday (November 5). It was Tony Chee Mar's 102nd birth anniversary.
Ellen, Donald and Eugene got together at Lot 49 at East Palm Cemetery in Tucson, AZ.
Homer, Gini, Clarence and Larry did the same at Little Bethel Cemetery in Duncanville, TX.
Yale Guen Mar as usual sat in his red sofa alone and sulked. He still bears grudges against his parents, siblings and even against his cousins that he claims he has never met !!
Is it any wonder that Dr. Eugene Yale Mar refuses to accept Yale Guen Mar as a friend on Facebook?
Dr. Eugene Yale Mar has been a quadriplegic since his ski accident, and I think he has even stopped practicing medicine, and may have been under state care. His wife dorvorced him. His son lives in the Phoenix area.
So now you bear ill-will toward your kid brother Eugene because he refuses to be your friend on Facebook?
Grow up Yale Guen Mar.